Content Warnings: All
Hi there friends. My Instagram was recently reported down at 10K and I have since locked my twitter. I am stepping away from social media and focusing on my videos and this blog. I will still post on all my paysites and nothing changes about upcoming projects, I just will no longer have a public face on twitter and other social platforms. I am not a victim of any specific doxxing or harassment outside the usual noise, this is about harm reduction. I am not in danger or facing any crisis, I’m fine ❤
This story is the end of my long journey with Kiwifarms… I’m about to head to a national park for a week to enjoy my friends and nature, going to spend more time away from screens and love this beautiful trans life I have ❤
20 Word Version:
Twitter has become a dangerous place to be a “famous” transwoman, especially if you are kinky or a SexWer. I have locked my accounts for my health & safety, largely due to the violent rhetoric from white leftists and transpeople.
4 Tweets Explaining the Keffals Thing, sorry about this dudes Wojacks and language
The Full Version.
My History With Kiwifarms
After appearing on My Strange Addiction I had my privacy invaded by users of anti-trans forums Gendertrendr and Kiwifarms and a person named C*thy Br*nnan. People related to these sites contacted my family, my old job, they met me at my doorstep and more than once in the street. I was living in the South Bronx at the time and they are partially why I moved out of NYC, I no longer felt safe as a single transwoman in my city. Their articles calling me a dangerous pedophile and rapist (for being ABDL or using women’s restrooms) effectively put out a hit on me, posts detailing my alleged crimes with my address and legal name etc, “someone has to stop this person” on their boards and messages like “the law is the only thing keeping me from killing you”. They had targeted me and ABDLs before, but this was a specific campaign to get me offline and underground. I got my ConcealedCarry, I had to explain transgender people and doxxing to Sac PD & Mott Haven PD to protect me and my family. I got a restraining order. I’ve had run ins with other stalkers, some really bad, but nothing like Kiwifarms. It was a nightmare.
I was heartbroken, in my naive mind it was “Feminists” doing this, I was constantly engaged in advocacy in feminist/leftist groups (I was big into OccupyWallstreet at the time) and felt ostracized… I later learned the difference between a Radfem and a real feminist (we didn’t use TERF much then), and that it was mostly politically motivated bigots co-opting feminism and queer folks to singularly attack transpeople, be it through useful idiots or by using fake accounts. LGB Alliance is the leading group for this now. I learned that not everyone wearing the shield of a social movement is authentically part of the cause. Is Every Person with Dreads for the cause? Is Every Person with Golds for the Fall?
Who or What is Keffals?
I spoke vaguely about Kiwifarms over the years and have kept away from mainstream advocacy because like many transpeople/ABDLs, I was legitimately afraid of what this group is capable of. Folks worked hard to get Gendertrendr taken down but Kiwifarms remained… Until this week, when a twitch streamer named Keffals organized a movement around her own doxxing and harassment and finally succeeded in taking down Kiwifarms. It’s been all over the news, a huge moment for face-forward transwomen online.
I want to clarify, I do not follow Keffals outside of this last week and don’t follow Twitch stuff but I see the things she does and want to applaud her. Arrogantly, I see some of myself in her fearlessness, she has done the good work at significant risk to herself and that’s awesome. And I know these people are not going to just stop fighting and trying to destroy her once Kiwifarms goes down, it’s a hate movement and they don’t just give up.
In the wake of this victory, allegation of racism, grooming, lies and theft spread about Keffals. The accusations were laughable, a post about noodles and putting the italian colors in the pride flag. Not exactly virulent racism, maybe some bad jokes or microagressions from an Italian-Canadian. And of course the grooming allegations are false, but that’s the first place bigots always go with LGBT+ folks, supporting trans youth is grooming to them.
These claims are part of what could only be described as a PsyOp or an “Organized Derailment of a Social Movement through Conveying Selected Information to Influence Actions and Emotions”, AKA, Bullshit. It’s incredibly common in the social justice circles, long history of it, recent example being the 4chan MAPS thing. All these claims center around this user “DreadedJai” and their constant harassment of Keffals. It’s all laid out pretty clearly if you simply look. And remember, that while these people are actively threatening and harassing her, Keffals is in hiding from a swatting incident and enemy #1 of every internet transphobe. But now is the time to doxx and brutalize her over alleged racism.
A SMALL PART OF THE ATTACKS:
It looks like internet bickering until you realize it’s classic Kiwifarms behaviour, go see the threads on their new site l*lc*w.farm right now, it’s all the same talking points. They bait with harassment, like Jai and others have with demanding money then calling them racist when they don’t donate, calling transwomen groomers, bigots, grifters etc then turn tail and call them bigots when they respond. When Keffals said Jai should be “excised from this community like a tumor” she was 100% right in saying that. We have to kick abusive people out of our community, it’s how marginalized communities survive. That’s not a violent threat or racist screed, it’s firm words from an advocate under fire.
But in classic Kiwifarms behaviour, they took that Tumor line to mean Keffals hates all black women and is a monster who deserves to be hacked, doxxed or killed.
A SMALL PART OF THE RESPONSE
I speak extensively about issues of bigotry in my communities. There is real racism around and it often goes ignored, we all need to listen to people sharing their authentic experiences, it’s how we learn. BUT THIS IS NOT THAT. This is a bunch of people with a deliberately disingenuous attacks at the top Transwoman in the worlds spotlight right now, to muddy the waters around Keffals, change the conversation and make her the villain, not the violent trolls on Kiwifarms.
It’s Psyop 101, Divide and Conquer. One Part Kiwifarms brigade and One Part dogpiling for that sweet attention and GofundMe money, they all like and platform each-other and their GofundMes.
I here this often from advocates, but STOP INFANTILIZING PEOPLE OF COLOR, TRANS PEOPLE ETC. Not every transpersons opinion is valid solely because they are trans. You are allowed to contradict and argue and call out bad behaviour regardless of race or gender. Treating marginalized people with kids gloves is othering them, not respecting them as equals. There are people out there that lie, grift and play cards and you can’t let them bully you into silence. Are you gonna listen to Enrique T*rrio about racism just because he’s brown?
Let’s talk about Candice Owens and Jessica Yaniv.
Candice Owens is a black woman who says claims of sexism and racism in America are a deception from the liberals and the jews. She has proven herself time and time again to be a bad actor. As a white person capable of independent thought, I don’t feel the need to sit down and consider her words or be afraid to call her a liar or say she’s a cancer to our communities because I 100% believe that, with no reference to privacy invasion or violence, we should excise people like that from our social justice communities. While there’s an obv history of objectification of black women, “Tumor” is hardly a racial line and more a “we are a community and need to be free of bad actors like this troll”.
If a black woman is being really awful, her blackness or femininity should not shield her from criticism – I have never met a black person or woman who thinks that it should, but I’ve met a whole lot of racists and misogynists who do. There are similar, authentic black women in social justice and I sit down and listen to them. I would never question their experience or judgement on issues or racism. But that’s not Candice Owens.
Jessica Yaniv is a transgender woman who tried to force a salon to wax her testicles. They said they didn’t know how and they were not comfortable doing it. She spent the next few years suing the women, threatening people, getting arrested and more, all because of “transphobia”. But that’s not transphobia, that’s people setting skill and comfort boundaries from someone who is clearly violent and unhinged. They had every right to refuse her service. It’s not transphobia to say NO to a transperson.
There are similar, authentic stories of discrimination from transwomen and I sit down and listen to them. I would never question their experience or judgement on issues of discrimination. But that’s not Jessica Yaniv.
And there are countless, valid stories of white transwomen ignoring, marginalizing and being flat out racist and I would never question the experience of black transwomen on these topics. But that’s not Keffals, at least not anything I’ve seen, and its clear the brigadiers are not engaging in a honest way. I strive to judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, and if someone proves time and again that they are full of it, block them. I have black republicans in my family, people i’ve known most my life, I don’t listen to them about racism because they just parrot FOX. Racist black people exist, black skin does not make you an expert on racism. And of course, I acknowledge my own learned racism from media, family, school etc, I try to be aware. But I’m not going to let Blaire White tell me transphobes are perverts and I won’t let black conservatives tell me “Black Americans are the most murderous group in America“. I will always speak truth to propaganda when given the opportunity.
Why Twitter Has Become Unusable For Me
As a victim of Kiwifarms, I know the consequences of stochastic terrorism. I have seen too many people on my follower list getting caught up in these lies and scams and when I inform them, they agree with the violence. Legitimate violence too, “we should hack keffals and if I see her in the street I will beat her up”, such as the first tweet above. They are gleefully communicating with people who think that blocking a troll is worthy of violence, “Fuck around and Find Out” against a trans woman, and for what? Insensitive tweets? Using blocklists? Swatting kills, and these people think Keffals 100% deserves it. And these are not random trolls, these are Transwomen with 40K followers and platforming these trolls to thousands of likes.
Many of these accuser accounts have high follows and low followers, they tweet 500 times a day and everything is super-aggressive crowdfunding, but that’s a whole different story, mutual aid funds are rampant. People make up stuff for money, there’s legit Gofundmes and plenty of fake ones.
When you get famous to any degree, you lose any expectation of privacy. People will demand and demand of you, and they will keep trying to slice pieces off until they have the whole thing. If you do not react the way they want you to, they use your fame and history as leverage to harm or guilt you. And now you have to worry about getting run up on for a tweet about noodles. It’s especially heinous in leftist spaces, where everybody is secretly hitler and just one false move away from exposing themselves. And that brings me to the main point….
I can’t be part of a community that spreads this violent rhetoric. I block and block and I still see people pushing violence. It makes me fear for my life and the safety of my loved ones knowing that some minor infraction will lead to being doxxed again. I have someone in my life that cannot move house or deal with swatting or harassment so I have to leave the scene.
I was already a lush then, but after the Kiwifarms attacks I hit the drink and [redacted] hard and spent the next 8 years on the linoleum. It really broke me and things continued to fall apart from there. I became paranoid and disconnected from my friends and lost a few, further deepening my iso and depression. I missed so many opportunities out of fear, made so many bad choices out of self hate. I have been just now starting to re-associate, 3 years no alcohol, getting my confidence and self-worth back. I expected backlash from being a face-forward transwoman on TV in the early 2010s, but nothing like that. I’m glad I did it, because maybe it would have killed whoever else would have been in their crosshairs.
I feel like it could all just happen again
And I don’t know if I can take it again. This time it could really do harm to my partner or family and I can’t let that happen, it’s not worth all the joy I get from my friends there. And it’s been mostly joy on there and in my life recently in general, but Twitter is just a place of ugliness for me, the hate has become too prevalent. When I see people violently threatening famous transwomen and being celebrated for it, it’s time for me to leave Twitter.
I am not a pacifist, I believe in direct political action and own weapons for self defense. But I believe that the threshold for violence is astronomical, only in the most extreme situations of self-defense. But Trans/Social Justice Twitter is a whole different universe. Microagressions? Doxxed. Mildly offensive tweet? Hacked. Blocking a woman who’s been harrassing you? That’s fine… oh sorry, it’s a white transwoman blocking a black woman so it’s the Death Penalty i’m afraid. Keffals should have just continued to listen to these demands for money and accusations of grooming and grifting! It’s a horrifying mindset and indicative of college age tankie “kill anyone who disagrees” crowd. I have my time working with leftist groups, I don’t reject them, but these folks are not on the side of good. They wouldn’t be threatening transwomen’s lives if they were.
The problem at the core of all of this is not the grifters or psyops, they will always exist. It’s the lazy college aged white people who don’t research, they just proselytize, they look at the surface level of an issue and retweet. It’s a fashion to them, they don’t care enough to learn the truth, they just hear “Keffals is racist pass it on” and go “ooooo, here’s some tea, ‘hey everyone, Keffals is racist and i’m super not racist for tweeting about it!'”
IF YOU ARE GOING TO SELF-STYLE YOURSELF AS AN ADVOCATE, YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK!
There’s been a big post going around about Keffals, being used as part of “the real proof” of her being an evil bigot. If a single person took the time to read it, they would know how clearly written by a Kiwifarms user it is. Here’s a few selections, I remind you she was in hiding from death threats, another thing they constantly deny and pretend is a “grift”. She has never called anyone the N word or outed people in any provable way, this whole post is just calling her a groomer, liar, sex shaming and victim blaming, saying she has a “Death Drive”. Not only is it ok to doxx, harass and ruin her life, it’s actually her fault. Also this was written by a black transwomen to lend it credence, a woman who has not posted on twitter for a year until this, which is the first thing she’s ever posted online.
And here’s the owner of that blog defending Kiwifarms and RTing posts denying online radicalization from sites like Kiwifarms. It’s just right there on the surface if you ACTUALLY CARE, but these self-absorbed tweeters only care about earning the “NOT RACIST” badge, not about doing actual work or critical thinking to combat racism.
Leaving Twitter is a good thing and long overdue.
I need take some time to make definitive media about these efforts dividing and conquering our community. I need to stop fearing the social media clowns and just speak truth. Stop arguing and wasting my time, Ducking the overnight advocates. I need to write a book about my experience. I need to rise above the rabble, continue reading and learning about the experiences of marginalized people, not arguing with anime profiles on Twitter. I need to grow up. Keep working with my local orgs and being politically active however I can, especially heading into the midterms. I am not worried about being called racist by white college kids on twitter. I know what i’m about, my friends and fans and family know what i’m about. I don’t need to prove myself to any moral arbiter, just need to keep learning and working.
“When you bang your head against the wall and feel blood, it’s not the wall that’s bleeding”
And if Keffals does have issues, lets confront them in a sound way. Not with death threats or “get this bitch”. It’s good to talk about race, it’s good to hold people accountable, it’s never ok to encourage violence or privacy invasion. That’s why i’m so exhausted by this, in the face of these violent words, the white transwomen shrug and say “Well, Fuck around and Find out”. That’s not solidarity, that’s a deeply flawed and broken community. Trans leftists have called me a p*do for wearing diapers, a baby killer for voting democrat, a capitalist and rapist for being a sex worker. They attack me because they don’t want a real challenge, they just want to control and antagonize. It absolutely detracts from real, actual issues and all it does is serve their egos. And once they lose attention, they turn to the right. Look at Amy Daly and Vito Gesualdi, two people who went far left to far right over the course of their twitter careers. All progress is made in spite of these people and social media is full of them.
I am more afraid of fundamentalist trans leftists than I am Republicans in my day to day online activities, the wolf I can anticipate, but not the wolf in sheeps clothing. The racist who screams anti-racism, the anti-sex/SexWork queers who believe all the groomer/trafficking propaganda, the sexual assaulting transwoman who plays victim when called out (more on Chloe Corrupt in another post), the pro-violence/anti-voting wing of the tankie left, the scam artists hiding behind black Gofundmes or behind that of dead kids. Their refusal to evaluate what they share harms this community, all because they are too vain or shallow to actually understand the things they say or platform. It hurts my soul and lowers my bar, so I gotta gracefully exit.
Thanks for reading, this blog has been a rock so I will stick with that. I am finding my thoughts consumed by these clowns, it makes me angry, clouds my mind and stresses me out, I express myself clumsily and say things I shouldn’t. I need to spend more time where people actually care about the cause, not just the attention. Ya’ll know if I was in this advocacy stuff for attention or money, I’d be doing things way differently.
I’m gonna hop in the shower, clean off all this mud and come out clean and focused. I will continue to listen, question my views on race and listen to people with some sense. Books over Tweets anyday 🙂
Be well friends. Don’t let anyone do the thinking for you ❤
What is a PsyOP