I had posted some graphic pics and got locked out of this site for a little while :0 Sorry about the lack of updates, hopefully you have been checking out my Youtube! I have a retrospective coming soon 🙂 Thanks friends!
Hi there friends!!! I have the biggest news for you, a lifetime pursuit coming to fruition! I’m finally getting an Orchiectomy!
I have so much to say in the coming month, I will be going through some incredible changes and have some big feelings to share, but for now, let’s stick to the facts.
But first, “Cisgender” means “Not Transgender” & is used to distinguish between trans & non-trans folks.
Dysphoria in relation to trans people is the feeling of body incongruency, my brain map doesn’t understand my boy parts because I should have girl parts, so i’m dysphoric.
Gender Affirming Surgery is the new term for “Sex Change”. Sexual Orientation, i.e. gay/straight etc. is a separate conversation from Gender Identity, I’m Pansexual because that’s the closest label to not having a label, I’m sexually agnostic.
Sex & Gender are seperate, Sex is a Personal Clinical Classification, Gender is a Social Expression. Sex is XX/XY, Gender is skirts or slacks. Gender wise, Cisgender Men & Trans Men are the same gender, Men, but don’t have the same Sexual Characteristics. Sexual Characteristics do not inform gender and Sex really only matters when it comes to private medical needs, Ciswomen need cervical cancer screenings, Transwomen need prostate exams.
Ok, we’re all glossaried up? Here we go, The Who What Where How & Why of my Orchi!
Who: I’m Riley Kilo, I was born in 1986 in Northern California, started taking hormones in 2009, you can watch me take my first pill on this channel! , I do video production, I go by She/Her pronouns, and I really like pastels, kink, sad movies and making food for friends.
What: An Orchiectomy is the removal of the testicles, it’s a 30 min Outpatient surgery performed by a Urologist. Nothing changes about my genitals outside of testicle removal, no skin will be removed.
They basically make an incision on the line running up the line of one’s sac and then remove the testicles, they use dissolving stitches and there’s a post-office visit but otherwise it’s a one & done situation. There are possible complications outside of the usual surgery stuff, but many of them can be resolved quickly, I am very healthy and shouldn’t have issues. I’ll go home the night of the surgery, be off my feet for about 48 Hours and limited lifting for about 2-4 weeks after that. Friends say healing is easy biz and it’s not too painful, more uncomfortable. Going to eat some weed gummies and watch a bunch of Baki, i’ll be back and editing in a few days.
Where & How: Outpatient Surgery Center, Doctor came highly recommended. They had an opening so the appointment came up super quick, I thought it was more like 6 weeks or months, not 6 days away. But i’m ready, less anticipation!
I am getting my insurance sorted and hopefully that will cover most of it. I may have to pay out of pocket which I think I can handle, you see I live by the beat, if people don’t buy my content, then I don’t eat, but thankfully people have been really supportive and I should be able to front this one my own. I’ve asked so much over the years so i’m not doing the big GoFundMe campaign thing or anything, I have this covered thanks to viewers like you :):) Orchi’s are more in the 2 Grand & 2 weeks area vs the more 20 grand & 2 months area of a vaginoplasty. Plus, being completely honest here, but vaginas take alotta maintenance and I might just be too irresponsible for that at this moment, same reason why I don’t have a cat.
Here’s the big one:
Why:
While I was growing up, I was small, sensitive and had a very high voice, very few people mistook me for a boy.
I started growing breasts when I was 12 years old, I hit puberty VERY late around 15 and it hit me hard, I grew 6 inches taller and became very sexually engaged, I had a lot of awkward teenage sex. Near-constant Erections, huge hormone swings, so much hair, issues with controlling my emotions & temper, normal teenage stuff for cisgender people, but very confusing for a young girl. While other boys were climbing and running in their bodies, I was scared and confused in mine, I swam with a shirt on, I didn’t like being touched or hugged. I just felt so wrong. I still feel this way, but hormones and gender expression have helped me feel much better.
As a teen I started ID’ing as gay because I didn’t know what trans was. I knew I didn’t want boy parts, I knew I enjoyed them, but they’re just not right, like eating an offbrand oreo.
And that’s because, simply, I’m a trans person with a clinical need for transition as way to manage dysphoria. My mental map does not match my body map, and while I am happy with my female gender expression, my doctors and I agreed on a need hormonal & surgical intervention to fix this incongruency. The testicles produce Testosterone, so instead of continuing to take T inhibiting drugs (raising my risk of blood clot etc) i’m just removing the source of T as well as improving my quality of life by removing parts that I feel and have always felt, do not belong. I also suffer from constant, troublesome erections, and while post-op I’ll be able to still (maybe) get erections and ejaculate, etc, sex without testosterone is much more honest & desirable to me, and I am sure it will be even more so without the balls.
Someday I may get full sexual reassignment surgery but I don’t have the time, money or confidence to do that, I have never had a surgery or been in the hospital so I am very nervous, getting a vaginoplasty would be too much for me. I’m a scared little girl to be honest, but staying very strong for myself and my friends who will be supporting me through recovery.
I wrote about a dozen paragraphs for this part but that’ll be it’s own video on what I think about trans people, sex, gender, non-binary identities etc. Spoiler alert, I love anyone expressing their unique selves and believe there is plenty of room in the trans rainbow.
So final thoughts, and we’re about to get mushy, this means everything to me. This is the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself and every day of my life has been leading up to this. I am not a person who cries, but I have been on the verge of crying since getting the call about this.
Those walls around my heart I talk about, the insecurity, fear of rejection, inability to feel loved etc… those bricks are made from bullying and a rough childhood and sexual abuse, but they’re held together by testosterone. With hormones and self-love, I have been healing more everyday and each single moment I spend as my authentic, congruent, vibrant self, is a step towards peace. I am so happy to finally be here, to finally put myself first, not my Sex Work Clients or my Lovers, or my subscribers or fans, but to do something for me, to stop delaying and take action and continue growing, blossoming and living life deliciously.
Thanks for listening Friends! Daily Blog Starts Tomorrow on Transcaping.com and My Various Social Medias!!! Thanks and happy hugs!!!
How Abusers Keep Abusing in the Pro-Mommy Scene: Addressing the Allegations Around Mommy Kat Marie
There is no call to action in this video, just an examination of the long-held allegations surround Mommy/Goddess Kat. Please act thoughtfully & don’t violate any boundaries, privacy or otherwise.
The Video is my final word on all this, moving on now.
These 2 “Abusers” videos have not been great for my mental health. I have a history of not taking care of myself in pursuit of (what I think) is the greater good.
I will be focusing on my mental wealth, back to peaceful, happy content, reviews, travelouges, smut etc.
Thanks for bearing 🧸 with me friends & to everyone who contributed, I hope to only match the effort & care you put into telling your stories.
And I apologize for anything left out due to editorial/personal decisions ~ there is a lot I did not feel comfortable discussing.
Take care of yourselves, this is a really rough video so if you are sensitive at all to talk of abuse/domestic violence, skip it.
Transcaping 