Times Like These Craft People Like Us

Content Warning: Transphobia and Everything Associated

I’m about to tell you the story of a time I got “Sir’d” and what I did about it. I understand not everyone has the safety, autonomy or spoons to fight the good fight, and I hope you know that’s OK. I believe just existing as a transperson is a powerful thing, progress starts with you. Happy thoughts and I hope this post finds you well. Originally part of a post called “A Combination of Invention and Recall” on my kink site, hence the misquoting theme.

So yesterday I was checking out of a hotel and was dressed pretty cute, jeans, pigtails, little mermaid hat, adorable like always ❤

Pic of me looking adorbs 30 seconds before the Sir

There was a youngish woman and a 30-something guy at the counter, not paying much attention when I come into the lobby so I approach the counter and say “checking out” and hand the guy my key. He looks me in the eye and says “thank you sir” and I walk out, confused. I wasn’t wearing a mask if I recall (though I often do) and though I don’t often modulate my voice (use a “girly” voice or a presentation voice like I’m on the phone or doing a video) that isn’t enough to “Sir” me, lots of women have raspy/traveled voices like me.

I live my life in a very concerted way that does not allow for this bullshit. I got about 20 steps out the door before my moral compass directed me back in to ask him why he called me “Sir”. I kinda felt like the “here we go again” GTA meme. I try to attribute things like this to ignorance not malice, so I never begin with anger, just a simple “Why?”. I walked in and this time the woman immediately noticed me and asked if I needed help. I gestured to the dude and asked him straight up, “Why did you just call me Sir?” He mumbled and said “It’s just the first thing that came out of my mouth, sorry”, and I said something like “Yeah, I was confused, like you were trying to diss me or something”, they responded with something like “No, I wasn’t thinking, I don’t know why I said that”, I said some combination of “yeah, OK, thanks” and politely said thanks to both of them and left.

“Fuck Safe, I Stay Dangerous”

~ Madlib (or Freddie Gibbs, I forget)

I wasn’t sure if the dude was being authentic or not, it doesn’t matter really. I’m way past the veil when it comes to getting really upset, and while the thousandth cut still stings, I’m not going to mess myself up over it or “concern myself with the opinions of small minds” as my friend often says. It’s more of a “oh really, you’re gonna go with that?” reaction these days

I like to put the ball in their court, they’re the one with the problem, they’re the ones that just did something very strange by calling me a Sir.. How should a woman, cis or trans, act in that situation, getting called a man? I try to avoid “Sirs” and “Ma’ams” in most situations, and yes, I appreciate the irony of using constant gendered language in this post, but if you’re participating in society you’re going to encounter gender roles, so if you’re going to assign people those roles yourself, you’d better be thoughtful.

That’s why I call most people “They”, I don’t like assuming and even if someone tells me, I still just stick with “They” because it’s how I am. I have been called transphobic for this lol. I call transmen he and transwomen she, I just often use “They” because my brain is a complicated machine but it needs simple rules to run properly. I still call myself “he” accidentally and stuff, not because I see myself that way, but because I am clumsy and high and given the opportunity I will always say the wrong thing. I know someday I’m going to get banned from being trans for calling someone the wrong pronouns because of my scattered, rabbit brain. I hope this post grants me a get-out-of-jail-free card someday.

One last step onto the highest part of the soapbox…

I believe that the trans community does not progress by people walking away. In these times when the legislation of the trans community has begun, the tipping point when a community goes from silence to acceptance or obliteration. Our fate is being decided at the dinner table, in the workplace and in the halls of power, and times like this force us to be present, to speak out for our survival. From Biden working at a Federal level to Keffals burying Kiwifarms to the ubiquity of trans people in classrooms and workplaces around the country, we are working to make sure this fuckery does not stand. Kill them with Kindness, but kill them still, ideologically and forever.

“Cisgender folks, their rights, and nothing more;

Transpeople, their rights, and nothing less

~Misquoting Susan B. Anthony~

Times like this need people like me, create people like me. People that will not let these things go unanswered. Those two people and anyone else around know that their behaviour will not go unanswered, and while I don’t want to assume hate, progress is as much about tamping hate as extinguish it, I can’t make them accept me or love me, but I can make them treat me with Respect. I can make hate more trouble than it’s worth. And ideally, I can make them realize we’re all folks and whatever they think or have been told about me and my kind, it’s wrong. It’s a Quaker mindset, i’m too filled with riotous anger to call myself “peaceful” but I’m learning to approach these things with a more peace-focused mindset. I am not a pacifist, I just strive to live the life of one.

In between writing this, I got a letter last night from a family member who found out about my surgery plans and wants to tell me their opinions about it, it seemingly never ends.

Well, it may never end for me, but someday it will end. We are building a world for that teenage transperson seeing all the nastiness in the news and fearing for their safety, we put ourselves at risk for their future. I felt the same way about growing certain plants/hallucinogens, we cared enough about the plant that we risked out lives and freedom to share it because we knew it was good and needed to not be made extinct. Transpeople are light and color and difference showing through the black and white world, we are diversity, the flower in the concrete cracks or the tree in Brooklyn, we are worth defending. We must survive, even if some of us won’t in the process.

“The most noble thing a person can do is plant a tree they will never see bear fruit”

~ Viktor Bryukhanov (but not really) ~

Thanks for listening. I have managed to avoid becoming a statistic but like most transfolks, I know more dead trans people than living ones. It’s a reality, especially for older transfolks, people of color and/or ones in the sex industry, but it’s a reality that we can change by being here and being queer. Lets lift each other up, go support a trans patreon or buy a trans artist a cuppa. Peace and happy thoughts, more stuff soon ❤

From the scattered recollection of Riley Kilo – 10/02/2022

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1 Response to Times Like These Craft People Like Us

  1. trafficthomas says:

    Peace and Love ❤️ Thank You 😊


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