Today I turn the clock on the toughest year of my life.
The old bad times were easier because I wasn’t present. I didn’t care.
These new bad times, they stick to the ribs.
But i’m doing okay. I’m coming out the other end. I’m still in daily pain from the surgery, with strange new pains happening all the time. Luna is still in the front of my mind, grieving is harder than it’s ever been. My entertainment career took a massive hit but i’m wiggling back into the algorithm and good graces of my patrons.
Today I’m gonna drive to the coast because they have a lot of pinball there and I wanna play pinball on my birthday. And then I’m gonna have a big milkshake and a macaroni and cheeseburger. Silly little happy things.
The last two birthdays I spent holding my partner’s hand in the hospital and all I wanted for my birthday was for them to be okay. This year is going to be full of smiles and holding hands in the car as we drive to some place fun.
I’m going to write my first book this year. I’ve threatened that before, but it’s going to happen. I’m gonna make a couple new zines to publish around pride and work on my first hundred page diy novel, likely about all the different jobs I’ve had and all the different lives i’ve lived. “The many lives of trans people” or something like that.
Until then, I will exist in the content wheel as I have for the last eighteen years. It’s been a wild ride.
I’m so grateful to have so many of my friends still, grateful to have my family, my parents are doing well and the new editions to our family are incredible in ways I could have never imagined.
It was really wonderful back in November visiting my hometown, thanks for being so welcoming and treating me like an old friend like we haven’t lived decades apart
I could go on forever but I need to get up and start my adventure. Last year took me to Chicago and Wisconsin and California and Williamsburg and New York and Cape Cod and i’m sure a bunch of other cities I forgot. I can’t wait to see where this year takes me
I’m healing in so many ways and i’m gonna take some time to rest and be well and recovery from all the trauma of this last year, this life.
Thank you friends and I think this is my favorite picture of me. Just a smiling girl and the fox she loves
Hey friends! New videos today, lots of cute stuff!
(Posted on my main blog yesterday)
Hope everyone is staying warm, we got some serious snow!!!
All is well here, for the next 2 weeks it’s all doctors and dentists, my partner is having a big ol’ hernia surgery but nothing to worry about, it’s going to be good! Seeing my new PrimaryCareProvider today (Canceled Due to Snowstorm, sad girl, another Month until I see someone…) then my Hormone Doctor, a Pelvic Specialist to get some answers on my surgery, my Laser person, getting some pricey dentistry… Getting this little girl sorted out!
Also getting the paperwork sorted for finding a therapist. I was in a grief group for a little while when I was visiting Luna and had an appointment with a therapist, but that clinic stopped doing Mental Health services. I am never more jealous than when I hear people talking about having a good relationship with their therapist. I don’t want to be beautiful or have a million dollars, I just want someone to listen for a little while. That’s why I choose to do this blog over something that would make more money or sense, it’s because I put that self-actualization bit of the pyramid at the base. Sometimes if you’re a big ol’ mess of trauma like me, you can’t play by the normal rules.
I’ll let you know how it all goes! For now my therapy is stuffy hugs and footy rubs and 90’s R&B and of course, sharing my life with you folks! Hope everyone is having a warm sunday night!
Hey friends! It’s a new year, i’m feeling loose and limber. Usually when a new year comes around it takes me a month or so to start writing “2024” on documents, but this year I did not hesitate to move on and greet the change with open arms.
I’m listening to one of my favorite albums, “Hello Avalanche” by The Octopus Project, if you like mathrock and bands like Explosions in the Sky or Rattata, this is a good one. Listen to Truck if you like it fast and Queen if you like it slow.
Life has felt like a big ol’ avalanche lately, an avalanche of errands, of content, of exciting things. Been up to some dentistry and have another appointment this week for some expensive work, going to be a big month for doctors, my partner is having a big surgery and I’m finaaallly seeing a pelvic specialist to get some answers about my post-op pain, nearly hitting the year mark on my recovery. So exciting things all around!
Last night I had a long board meeting for a trans advocacy group I’m in, Sunday I recorded a Podcast with the wonderful Mercy West, today i’m working on a collab with another creator, lots of exciting art stuff happening. Going to head to DSW and buy some adorable heels and film the process.
I’ve been doing really good since emotionally stepping away from social media. It really pushed my anxiety buttons and i’ve been much more calm and smiley. I have so much going on, I don’t need to be subject to all that nonsense. I have been creating so much lately, check out some of my latest videos!
It’s the most accurate representation of the street hustle culture outside of Todd Haim’s Mysterious Skin. I listen to it once a year and break down crying each time.
In matching blue raincoats Our shoes were our show boats We kicked around From stairway to station We made a sensation With the gadabout crowd And oh, what a bargain We’re two easy targets For the old men at the off-tracks Who’ve paid in palaver And crumpled old dollars Which we squirreled away In our rat trap hotel by the freeway And we slept-in Sundays
Your parents were anxious Your cool was contagious At the old school You left without leaving A note for your grieving Sweet mother, while Your brother was so cruel And here in the alleys Your spirits were rallied As you learned quick to make a fast buck In bathrooms and barrooms On dumpsters and heirlooms We bit our tongues Sucked our lips into our lungs ’til we were falling Such was our calling
And here in our hollow we fuse like a family But I will not mourn for you So take up your makeup And pocket your pills away We’re kings among runaways On the bus mall We’re down On the bus mall
Among all the urchins and old Chinese merchants Of the old town We reigned at the pool hall With one iron cue ball And we never let the bastards get us down And we laughed off the quick tricks The old men with limp dicks On the colonnades of the waterfront park As four in the morning came on, cold and boring We huddled close In the bus stop enclosure enfolding Our hands tightly holding
But here in our hollow we fuse like a family But I will not mourn for you So take up your makeup And pocket your pills away We’re kings among runaways On the bus mall We’re down On the bus mall
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I used to be a rail thin craigslist trick in Sacramento. I made it out clean.
These are just a few random pics are from that time, 2005-2008.
On Borrowed Time now, going to make the most of it.
This is me now. I’m still a little tart, but I have ownership over my life.
like we haven’t lived decades apart 
Transcaping 